Mariah Carey - Fantasy (by MariahCareyVEVO)
LFO-Girl on tv (by zee606)
One Direction - What Makes You Beautiful ( Lyrics + Pictures ) (by onedirectiion)
Im close to losing it
People don’t notice how torn i am inside… cause I always stand up still in being a Daughter to my parents… and a girlfriend to my boyfriend… and a friend to my friends…. I stay strong and undefeated even how much i feel so weak, unappreciated and Unloved.
Its hard to be this Tazha I am now… I am irresponsible. I dont seem to do anything right…. I am noticed for my foul words, shortcomings and negative actions….
My parents notice me as their daughter who has no time for them… who puts her boyfriend first which they dont entirely understand WHY… Its because my boyfriend gives more effort to take care of me… to show that he loves me and he will do anything for me… They notice me when i answer them back after a stressful day at work…They notice me not being present in those times that I am tired and exhausted with work and they enjoy the luxury of going to the mall and eat their hearts out… It hurts to feel like im abandoned and you seek love from other people… and I cant seem to feel the part my “family” is there for me at all times… coz they only see me now to help out with the bills here at home… They barely try to ask if i want to go out with them… and just last saturday, thoper wasnt able to drop me off in the office, ask my dad if they could drop me off, he boasted and I was like , i’ll just ride a cab… and know what? they drove off. Now How can i say that they are THERE for me and they think i need psychiatric help… coz they think if thoper leaves me, Im gonna end up in a ward or become suicidal.
My boyfriend looks at me as this strong lady who can easily leave him coz of his flaws in life (i really could, but weak to do so) Though I think that’s pretty much normal in arguments. But what he doesnt see at times that pisses me off is that this STRONG lady he sees is also weak and has her own flaws.. I am not perfect… I can cook, bake, and be like a wife material.. but never perfect… He doesnt know how much im hurting at times i realize I dont deserve to be hurt… I tend to rub to his face that no other girl can do the things i am doing for him… I committed myself as a whole.. yet I feel like he dont appreciate it and its like im the worse person to be with…
My friends look at me as a loser in life… doesnt know how to save money in the past year i was working and I am screwing up as a daughter and a friend… I dont know how to manage my time for everyone… My parents need to seek help to them to capture my attention of my problems…Its like I DONT KNOW ANYTHING…. But i appreciate their concern coz they just dont want me to lose everything if things wont work with thoper in the end…
Its just so hard to be trying so hard to be perfect for everyone…. but i come to realize maybe they are all correct… Im a total crap and wont work out with life…
I just wish that one day, even just for a day… when i die… They will remember the good stuff about me… what i did… what i said…. how i made them feel….that made them smile, happy, and love me for the tazha I am today…
Its sad that im wishing…. of the wish I never wanted to wish for… =’( im thinking this is just a trial of life… but its getting way too deep…. and any hugs wont let this pain away….
The First Anniversary
So thoper and i are about to celebrate our first anniversary which will be on June 8… We had this commitment to be able to have adventures of travelling… Which we’ve been doing for the past months of our first year… :)
We first travelled by land - Tagaytay and Bataan
We then travelled by water - (cruise) - Dinner Cruise at Manila bay :) with matching pyrolympics back in March 3. =)
and on our upcoming anniversary…
Were about to travel by Plane - Heading to CEBU! ^_^ its exciting coz its another first with him <3
I first experienced travelling with him :)
I first experienced swimming in salt water with him (bataan)
and now this =) CANT WAIT! :)
CEBU!!! Here we come ^_^
